Peace Sweet Peace with the Shadow Self

Make Peace with your Pieces

Allie Michelle

One day, she realized she could not outrun her shadow
She brought it in front of her where she could see it
“Why are you so dark?” she asked
Her shadow replied,
“Darkness is the truth you avoid, and
It yearns for the light.”
Though it was painful to stand
In front of a silhouette of her unhealed pieces
She realized it was merely a part of her
That she had not made peace with
As she held herself in the love of her own arms
Her shadow became a part of her, like
The dusk of the setting sun melting into the night sky.

Carl Jung once said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are.” That’s the great concept of the shadow self – becoming who you genuinely and authentically are – mind, body, spirit as a social, sexual, spiritual, emotional and physical person. The shadow self is that unwanted, unacceptable part of self that we struggle to deny or even repress for sometimes much of our lives. Jung, a Swiss Psychiatrist, called this part of the personality the “Shadow Self.” We are taught consciously and unconsciously, beginning even in utero, to be, feel, and think certain ways, as if expectations are put on us. Gender, for example, can play a large role in this, as can other factors such as age, race and culture or even status or birth order in your family.

  When we are a young child, these neat, orderly or even messy roles don’t fit us and we try to revolt, rebel or simply reject what doesn’t fit into our life as if the puzzle pieces don’t quite fit. So, we oftentimes deny or hide our true thoughts and feelings about something or someone, thus forming our shadow self. This shadow self is a part of each of us and becomes a buried part of our personality. These negative impulses, desires and thoughts are shoved down deeply and sometimes quickly to avoid any negative feelings such as shame, embarrassment, intense rage or sexual fantasies and desires that may appear appalling or inappropriate in any way. Shadow work is deep and rich and sometimes exhausting. It is also creative and fun and helps shed light onto dark which helps brings balance into one’s life so we can eventually accept and love unconditionally all that we are, have been and will be.

 Here is an interactive meditation to help begin exploring your shadow self, using your five senses.  I call it “Exploring your Hidden Treasures.” Gather a few stones, a candle, chocolates, a card and a pen. As you find these treasures, pay attention to your five senses – sight, touch, sound, smell and taste. Learn to identify, honor and accept the shadow in your life today.

  Stones – round, smooth, curved like a women’s body; or jagged like someone who broke your heart. Solid and strong, like a man’s muscular broad shoulders. Holding it all together – work, children, lovers and friendships, family and commitment, mid-life, maturity, new endeavors and young minds. Take a moment and hold the rock in the palm of your hand. Close your eyes. What images pop up in your mind? How is your breathing? What do you need to remember and honor? What do you need to let go? Gain strength from the grounding of the stone.

  Candles – light shining forever, a burning desire – a loved one’s memory? A new idea? A passionate lover like no other? Old anger that snarls like rage and swallows your energy? Take a moment and stare at the light. What do you see? What do you feel? Stay with it or let it go? Extinguish the flame or build a bonfire? Notice the temperature of your body – are your palms sweating, your groin aching or your eyes and hands cold as ice? Where are you tense in your body right now? Where are you relaxed in your body right now? Gain insight from the flickering light.

  Chocolates – chewy, tasty explosions of cocoa that brings a smile to your face. Satisfaction. Trust. Sweetness to honor cravings – an indulgence. Overeating, drinking, sleeping, drugging, sexing, spending, washing, nurturing, smiling, pretending. What do you taste? What do you love and honor and protect? What do you want to spit out, vomit, and avoid? Are you tired? Energized? Lifeless or hopeful? Can you smell anything? Can you see anything or are you closing your eyes so tightly that the salty tears can’t taint the chocolate? Be kind to yourself – you deserve love. Gain compassion and self-love from the delicious treat.

  Card and Pen – thoughts and feelings in written form, words from your heart expressing love or hate, old anger, hurt or joy. What is your passion? What is authentically inside your mind, body and spirit? Can you gather strength to write a letter to someone who needs to hear from you? Do you have the courage to mail it, deliver it or rip it to shreds like your heart was ripped or your body stolen or your innocence stripped? What was lost? Was it trust? Dignity? Honor or a childhood? What was gained? Nothing? Everything?  Only you can decide. Gain forgiveness from the wisdom of looking within.

  Peace, sweet peace to your mind, body and spirit as you journey into your authentic self, picking up the pieces and placing them just so. 

Empty Strength

Empty streets
bars
restaurants
schools
in some places.

Empty hearts
souls
minds
bodies
in some people.

Empty wallets
freezers
bank accounts
jobs
in some homes.

Empty trees
gardens
parks
oceans
in some lands.

Hollow. Abandoned. Barren. Vacant.
Where do we gather abundance?
When do we sow a fruitful harvest?
Who is filled?
What is overflowing?

We must look within; travel on a cellular, energetic level to see and feel the connection -
like blood pumping to muscles for relaxation.
And even the heart breaking and the tendons snapping.
Enough!

The ebb and flow.
When we go within, we travel to the depths of ego versus spirit.
We learn why the birds sing during the storms.
We learn why the trees shed their bark and perennials rest during dormancy.
It’s about growth and life and hope.

Even upon change and scarcity; the unknown and death -
there is hope.
Listen to the wind.
Feel the weight of gravity.
Look for the glow of the moon and rise of the sun –
we are sustained.

For it is the hope of each day in something more powerful than self that strengthens us, that moves us into
uncharted territory
With the power of a god or goddess or the flow of nature.
Chanting echoes of courage from ancestors long ago.

The Silent Spring Awaits

The Silent Spring Awaits

Faith is standing at the edge of winter on a chilly, still snow-covered ground
Toes cold while the new sun warms your thoughts
Feeling sad, anxious, perhaps confused or heartbroken
And seeing purple tulips tip their hats towards you with a smile,
Hearing morning doves chanting their prayers of thanksgiving,
Smelling the aroma of chicken barbecue in the distance,
Touching the branches of a budding tree,
And tasting salty tears of joy because you remember
Even in times when it’s easy to forget
Life never ends
And there is always hope.

In the midst of chaos and concern; sickness and survival - empty grocery shelves, the first newborn brought into this world with the Coronavirus, politicians and news reporters jabbing one another, the fear of big and small companies losing profits, and children on extended school break, I can’t help but wonder how do we as a world, a nation, a community, and individuals navigate through these riptides? First, we don’t panic. However, that goes against our basic instinctual and foundational need of human motivation – survival. That is why often in times of great chaos and uncertainty, many people turn to food or sex – basic physiological needs - that help the nervous system go from distress and overactive to eustress (positive stress) and manageable. When we feel, hear of or perceive a threat, our brain sends out various chemicals (i.e. cortisol) into our blood stream that alert the body to fight, flight, freeze, submit or cry (or a combination of these five defense mechanisms). In the short term, stress can shut down an appetite where the adrenal glands pump out epinephrine (aka adrenaline), which triggers the body’s defense mechanisms into a revved-up physiological state. Chronic stress can mimic this back and forth response and also affect one’s sleep, activity and overall physical, mental and spiritual health.

So, how do we help calm our minds, hearts and brains - held with both good and bad memories - to not be triggered or over-stressed or run rampantly out of control taking us on a downward spiral of gloom, doom and over-catastrophizing, making it difficult to determine what is healthy or unhealthy?

I don’t think there is one answer. But I am reminded at this dark time in history the importance of silence and peace and hushing the nervous system to remain grounded. However, healthy social supports are equally valuable. Friends, families, churches, synagogues, clubs, groups, theater, teams, sports, and volunteering are needed in both stressful and relaxed times. We may need to get creative during quarantine times, but with the use of technology or leaving gifts on a door step for a sick or immune compromised person or family adjusting to a new baby or a loss can all be achieved.

I am reminded of channeling positive healing energy such Reiki or breathing-in words like “life, breath, healthy, strong, united, faith, kind, healing.” Also, picturing images of a calm/safe place that the specific image brings you relief (meadow, beach, mountain, cottage, forest, specific destination, etc.). Meditation and prayer are other excellent practices to help calm the nervous system and can help us to be even more mindful of impulsivity during high stress times, similar also to the positive effects of sound therapy, listening to music, coloring, and playing cards or games to name a few. Of course, exercise like weight training and aerobics, walking, biking, spinning, or a combination of both meditation and exercise such as yoga, tai chi and Qigong are all beneficial. Science shows the benefit. People experience the benefit.

Faith is the complete trust, confidence or belief in someone or something rather than proof. During times of chaos and uncertainty and fear, in times of joy and loss and sorrow, how does faith play a role in your life? Understanding that faith involves boldness and grace, what are you doing in your life to boldly grow your faith? What are you doing in other’s lives to graciously show faith?

During this confusing time and with each new rising sun, may you stay well and may peace find you.

RESILIENCE

Gazing at the fire, I also see mesmerizing colors of the sunset perfectly complimenting the moment of silent contemplation.  I’m reminded that it’s a privilege to be in the same space with those who are suffering and transforming.  Hot flames of red, white, orange and blue – some dancing in a frenzy; others dancing to the sultry beat of the hissing timber – igniting, smoldering, crying out in crackles and pops – all a part of being present in grief.  What have you lost? A job? A pet? A reputation or health condition? A marriage, a child? An upbringing or a friend? Maybe a drink or a drug or money in your pocket? Perhaps you’ve lost hope or self-respect or trust in mankind? It’s important to pay attention to how we grieve our losses. Notice the importance of air to the fire. Oxygen. Life. Breath. Notice the changing landscape of the sunset. Dark. Light. Varying shades reflecting that which touches our core – sometimes where we hide the very essence of who we are, or who we were.

Are you standing back and pausing?
Or hoping to ignite?
Or perhaps blazing in growth?
Will you be the fire today and walk the path of resilience with a torch?
Take a deep look within and breathe…and let go what is smoldering your light.

Quotes to inspire your resilience

 “The Willow knows what the storm does not;
That the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.”
—Anonymous

“It’s a secret place – the land of tears.”
—Antoine De Saint-Exupery

“In silence we will find new energy and true unity. Silence gives us a new outlook on everything.”
—Mother Teresa

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”
—Socrates

The Invitation

The Invitation

by
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

 It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

 It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!  I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

 I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. 

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

 I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.  I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

 It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

 It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

 It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.  I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. 

Contemplate:

Are you being authentic today? What is standing in your way or blocking your heart or insight? What do you need to do, how do you need to be in order to stand in your own truth? Can you envision that? How can you take steps to become more authentically you?

Breath, Life, Peace!

I’m reminded on this gloomy, cloudy day in northwest Ohio as I recover from bronchitis, that I need to slow down and rest; heal my body with sleep and medicine - both non-traditional and traditional aids to help my lungs and bronchioles nurse back to full capacity. It’s a very panicky feeling as I labor to breathe and I hear wheezing sounds echoing throughout my chest cavity. I don’t like it! I feel grouchy and sad and begin to retreat into self-pity, becoming even more introverted and introspected than I already am. As I’ve pondered the meaning of the emotional component of my illness, I asked myself, “What is the bottom-line function of the lungs?” Breath! Life!

I researched the word “breath” and found 115 antonyms for “opposite of breath.” As I read the words and phrases, I noticed how dark and heavy and hopeless their meanings felt. I even realized my body was hunched over the keyboard typing (and coughing because obviously I was limiting my own oxygen intake simply with my body posture).  Some of the phrases were “opposite of continued survival,” “a pause in work, play or an event,” “opposite of an underlying quality or feeling.” Some of the words: fatigue, lifeless, non-living, fallen, death.

The sensations in my body as I read these words were tightness and my leg kept bouncing up and down. What would happen, I thought, if I purposely stopped my bouncing leg and sat up straight, stretching my arms outwards and overhead? What would happen if I slowly brought my arms back and around? I found both my mind and body started to relax! Could I roll my head back and stretch it? No! I started spasmatic coughing, but when I sat on my meditation pillow and stretched my arms, then laid down with my head propped up and stretched, I could determine from head to toe how to relax my body – my lifeless, fallen, death and non-living body started to breath in a different way. After doing those exercises (only about 10 minutes), I noticed a slight difference. Granted, I was very tired after that, so I listened to my body and laid down – without any electronics near to distract me. There was a lesson in this for me and it reminded me of a favorite story of mine:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.  “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.  The other wolf is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

He continued, “The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Which wolf will you feed today?

"BRAVE AS A BUTTERFLY"

Tips for being “Brave as a Butterfly”

Welcome the struggle in your growth
Gather strength as you grow for your flight
Feel the warmth and the light as it surrounds you
Listen for the voices calling you to soar
Share your strength with those who need your inspiration
_________________________________________________________________

In the darkness of the chrysalis, the transforming butterfly struggled to become, to grow, to reinvent herself with dazzling colors and the flight of freedom. “What if I fail?” she whispered to the old tree. “What if I’m not good enough?” she pleaded to the wise sun. “What if I’m not ready?” she cried out to the shifting winds who shook the leaf she called home. The sleepy moon, tossing and turning as he was changing shifts with the sun, gently spilled moonbeams onto the shaking cocoon. “Now, now,” he whispered. The cocoon began to cry and became even darker. The moon knew this dark color of the caterpillar meant a remarkable transformation called metamorphosis was occurring. During this very dark time in her life the caterpillar would molt and shed her skin numerous times. “You’re undergoing so many changes, while you’re becoming. Your tissues and limbs and organs are growing and transforming,” the moon assured her. “But oh, this struggle, it’s all too much. I’m so exhausted, so confused, scared and lonely. I’m feeling incredibly sad, like I am dormant with no purpose.” The moon glanced at the sun with an empathetic smile.

The sun spoke, “Oh, dear one, it is your time! This darkness, this sad, despondent time of ebbing and flowing to bring you through the struggle, is helping you to grow and transform. Maybe it’s a devastating loss, a childhood trauma, or a disease of the body or soul. Regardless of your hurt, the only way to become is to go through it.” “But who will believe in me? Who will believe that my transformation will bring new life?” The emerging butterfly’s voice was now crackling and changing tones. “I believe in you,” cheered the sun. “I believe in you,” whispered the moon. “We believe in you,” danced the flowers and flowing rivers and birds soaring and singing. Then, all of a sudden, everything grew still. The emerging butterfly, changing colors and saying goodbye to the cocoon that cradled her, listened to the echoes of butterflies chanted from long ago, “It’s time to unravel the things you have heard, seen, learned and felt from wounded people. Hurt, scars and betrayal bogs the body’s mind, body and energy. Be the man you needed as a boy; be the woman you needed as a girl. Be brave as a butterfly and learn through change and loss and brokenness to reinvent yourself. Darkness. Struggle. Growth. Transformation.” And with one final push, like a brave woman bringing new life into this world, the butterfly emerged, taking her first flight, gasping for air, then soaring with full inspiration for others to continue the brave transformation.

In that moment the butterfly remembered the sun’s words about ebbing and flowing and being “your time.” So, she circled around a grieving mama whose 19-year-old son died the year before, and who was aimlessly walking in her garden with tears in her eyes pleading similar questions. The butterfly remembered the lesson of darkness, struggle, growth, and transformation and knew whether weeks or months or years, she would inspire this mama to hold that sacred space with others. And the mama took notice of the butterfly and invited her and others to share their flight of freedom and beautiful inspiration so one day, even in the midst of ebbing and flowing, she too could tell the story about how to be brave as a butterfly.